Quote of the day from a very special friend!:)

Watching you walk out of my life does not make me cynical about love. Rather, it made me realise that IF I WANTED SO MUCH TO BE WITH THE WRONG PERSON,

..


HOW BEAUTIFUL IT WILL BE WHEN THE RIGHT ONE COMES ALONG.

Works for you too!

Church yesterday was good:) nice to soak in the atmosphere again, think I'll go again next week:)

the party at rebel/zirca was eventful to say the least.:s

most of my friends are going into army already, but I'm thankful for all of them;)
just ta paoed a roti John at simpang!need to hang out there more man, miss the company. You know who you are!

Bye

Happy birthday djies! Neighbours unite!

I love my alone time by the Singapore river outside the uob building

This is to you

I want you back

Sigh. Can't stop thinking about..

Today I took another step towards quitting. Buying really shitty super lights. It's as good as smoking air man-.- and damn it's 1.10am and I can't sleep. Sigh.

Apparently smoking lighter sticks don't help, cause I would suck in more to get the kick or just smoke more cigarretes. True on some levels I must say! Dinner with vj people tmr, hope I run on wed and fri! And good luck to Jon for his driving test on fri:D

work was quite fufilling today! I'm glad I didn't think alot.. Maybe it's just cause I had like so Many lines to delete HAHAHA. And damn, Im fatter than i've ever been! Armys coming up how?! I think I may have to give my final theory a miss too cause it's on a work day-.- and the next one is in march but I'll still be working-.- guess I'll just have to extend my pdl then:(

when I come out of btt, you're probably getting ready to leave.. For a long time. Sigh. In spite of what everyone has said, I dunno I still don't want to get used to it.

Not such a emo post tonight!hurrah?

Be strong! Be strong!

Maybe I should really lock this, I don't even know what you're thinking, and I keep thinking about what you could possibly be thinking off! Then I post my sad, estranged thoughts here. I know that I am emotionally not on the same level as you haha. Maybe I just shouldn't think about the whole situation at all?? No free lunches in this world, but then again there are no confirmed rewards for the one who works the hardest. Hmm.

Speaking of lunch, I hope I have lunch with my mum today:) and I'm staying off status updates on my facebook so this is my only outlet haha. Wait how many people actually do read this?!please leave a comment or tell me haha

I have to start switching off my phone just before I sleep.

No ones gonna text me or call me anymore eh.

HURT

it sucks to be alone. but ill have to "deal with it" right?!

i cant put up this front in front of everyone.. not all the time. sometimes im okay. when im walking home, i start being wierd. when im home im just.. dysfunctional. ah. and metal or playing guitar doesnt help, running doesnt cause ive been smoking so much i can hardly chiong for 2 km without feeling pain. ugh. and obviouslly mentally im not right so i cant psych myself up to run faster.

if the world is all about being selfish and looking out for youself, whats the point of relationships/friendships?! you wont ever be helping the other party, it will never be a mutual thing! maybe im just too "happy" childish whatever. sigh

I miss late night conversations on my bed, listening to random music, having someone to just..be there. It hurts more cause i don't think it will ever be the same. I'm not going to force myself to get over you, but at the same time doing the opposite would just make that much harder. Maybe I should be stone-cold from now on, but I am not like that and I don't want to be fake. I miss your companionship. I wonder if you feel the same or is it easier for you.

P.s this isn't vulgar, it's just emo so is this appropriate for here?!

Cutting down can help you quit, but it's not a substitute for quitting.


As your body begins to repair itself, instead of feeling better right away, you may feel worse for a while. It's important to understand that healing is a process - it begins immediately, but it continues over time. These "withdrawal pangs" are really symptoms of the RECOVERY process (see "Withdrawal Symptoms and Activities That Might Help).


Immediately after quitting, many ex-smokers experience "symptoms of recovery" such as temporary weight gain caused by fluid retention, irregularity, and dry, sore gums or tongue. You may feel edgy, hungry, more tired, and more short-tempered than usual and have trouble sleeping and notice that you're coughing a lot. These symptoms are the result of your body clearing itself of nicotine, a powerful addictive chemical. Most nicotine is gone from the body in 2-3 days.


It's too hard to quit. Quitting and staying away from I don't have the willpower. cigarettes is hard, but it's not impossible. More than 3 million Americans quit every year. It's important for you to remember that many people have had to try more than once, and try more than one method, before they became ex-smokers, but they HAVE done it, and so can you.


I'm worried about gaining Most smokers who gain more than weight. 5-10 pounds are eating more. Gaining weight isn't inevitable - there are certain things you can do to help keep your weight stable. (See "Tips To Help You Avoid Weight Gain".)

Hahahahha

i cant do this, i feel like giving up on everything left thats actually worth fighting for.

i cant do this, i feel like giving up on everything left thats actually worth fighting for.

Funny how I realised something, that it's been less than a fucking week since I came back from Vietnam before we broke up. And it makes me wonder how long have you wanted to end this. Fucking amazing.. Yeah don't worry this is my way of dealing with it.

What the fuck

' she returned his kisses but not his ardor.'

sad but true

I also forgive you, but I won't forget it.

Guess you never loved me the same way I did. That's a plain fact!

Maybe I AM better off without you?!

Maybe this is temporary, at least it got me started. And I know it'll help me move on. My mum actually said that ' you're growing up very well' haha

right now i dont even know what i feel like.

i know i screwed up. saying sorry wont help but ill still say it. i never wanted to hurt you. but i never knew how to take action, responsibility and accountability my whole life. its sad that i had to learn this way. but i will. many things ill have to change from now on. i hope that you'll be there with me as a friend. i hope you find comfort in your friends, the same kind of comfort that you expected from me but i was unable to deliever. i hope(know) that ill grow up from this. hey, the best thing i can say now is that life is an experience, you only do it once. so what i have done is gone and i cant brood on it. sucks for everyone, no one wins anything from this.

i need alot of help. or maybe i should just live in a nutshell and do this on my own.

i wont go to work tmr, but ill committ from monday onwards. my first step. church on saturday. ill be alone but fuck it, ive had much worse. smokings next. followed by the much bigger task of the simpang buds.

i still wanna be there for you, in ways that i know that i can help. i hope that you'll be alright. other people will take care of that for you i know that they are much better at that than me. i still love you, and it made me really happy that you think that we can still be good, true and real friends. ill work on that too.

tonight.. ill think.. about what i NEED to do and not about what i COULDVE done.

>3 you.

There's so much that I want to tell you now. But I know that you're better off with out me. Am I better off without you? I don't think so. You'll always be 'the special one' I am sure of that even after army and uni and everyone else that I'll meet in between. It's okay to end something that you still got the passion, it doesn't mean that I won't fight for it. I just think both of us at this point in our lives are not ready. In many ways. I still love you

I still love you

I am on my 11th ciggarette today.amazing how just two weeks ago I was living on hardly two sticks a day. What can I say, things have been tough. Sitting outside the bus stop opposite bedok south sec now, lying on the bench like a homeless person wow, watching the cars zoom by, just like how everyone comes and soon says 'bye'. But I know that you're not that kind of person. I don't want you to be that. You're everything and so much more, yet almost everyday you make me feel so tortured.fuck the iPhone spell check btw it's fucking up my typing. And no I still love you, as much as ever. I can say 'let's get through this' as many times I want to you and myself but I know that it's not enough. Sometimes I feel like screaming to myself 'FUCKING WAKE UP DUDE GROW UP BE THE MAN SHE WANTS YOU TO BE'' but I know that it isn't so easy.another 5 days before I'll see you again, I'm so out of options that I actually think it might help. Ahh love is hard, sometimes I don't wanna say it I just wanna do things. I guess you are different.

With that, I'll light up my 12th stick and continue to sir here for as long as I'll need too

VIETNAM WAS AWESOME FUN!!


ONCE THE PICTURES ARE UP ON FB, ILL TRY TO DO A DAY-TO-DAY RECOUNT CAUSE IF I REMEMBER ALMOST EVERYDAY WAS FUN!!!!

maybe its cause i went there WANTING to have fun instead of expecting the things that we did itself to be fun because come to think of it, we actually didnt do much :S

AND DAMN I GOT FIFA 10 ON PC. MY INNER GAMER IS SHOWING ITS TRUE COLOURS!!

gotta do something meaningful/time-consuming at least in my life.

JOB/DRIVING/DEBORAH/FRIENDS!

HELLO!

GOING TO VIETNAM TODAY TILL NEXT WEDNESDAY(13th) DONT MISS ME!AND I GUESS NOT ALOT OF PEOPLE READ THIS SO FOR THOSE WHO DO, CONTACT ME THROUGH THE NO. 98196226! GOOD DAY!

Omg driving tomorrow!I'm so excited:)

I hope the caas talk tomorrow goes well too:)gonna start packing for Vietnam as well and then meet the 6/6 homies at roxanes place at night!ah life after a's can be quite eventful after all!

I'm going to start looking for a job..a REAL job so anyone with any lobangs please let me know:)

freakonomics is damn fun. gonna read it for a while later then play my dave mustaine V hehe^^.

a part of me really wants the lespauls back, fat and thick ass sounds. but another part of me wants the thin slender shred-fest neck of the V. i shall start looking for a guitar soon :) and hopefully a job!

last night was really eye opening. i think the first 2 days of 2010 have already got me sitting up and paying attention to things that i have purposely neglected before but cant do so anymore. thank you for making me realise that. i love you so much :*


time to think.. and read

somehow.. im grateful for everything that happened last night.

i hope you know that

please let monday come faster so that i can...

1) Drive like michael shumacher in a toyota vios for the first of many times in my first driving lesson! who wants to watch me move up the gears like a pro, honk at any hot chick along the road or shriek like an old aunty whenever i see a harmless bird or cat in front of me? no one i guess!

2) Go for the caas talk. and establish to both my mum and more importantly MYSELF that i have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA what to do with my life! and that i have to decide sooner OR (not "rather than") later

3) Meet up with 66 homies at night at roxane's place! yay!

and i cant wait for vietnam, just hope that i recover in time.

ironically i cant wait to come back from vietnam too:) because ill get to see you:*

there comes a time in everybody's life where we HAVE to grow up and stop acting like scene kids. the need to fit in is something everyone experiences through their teenage years. but not to this extent. it is so sad, to see your best friend(s) fall victim to that whole cause of being a bad-ass/cool/fresh/unique whatever it is and losing that friendship. up till today, i still dont see what that night did for anyone. because apparently me showing my feelings crying and saying those things didnt get through to ANYONE?? i guess not because the same thing happened the next day.. and the day after that.. and the day after that...

...

sigh, is this time i grow up? after all, if there is anything i learnt from 2009, it was that we ALL have a right to be selfish at some point or another. does this mean that ill just move on from you guys? i mean its not like ill ever embrace the things that you do, thats a definite fact.

caas talk on monday. one of the few organisations that i even have a SLIGHT interest in. but if its only a slight interest, then why bother even attending? there are bound to be many other people who want this more than me.

sigh.