right now i dont even know what i feel like.

i know i screwed up. saying sorry wont help but ill still say it. i never wanted to hurt you. but i never knew how to take action, responsibility and accountability my whole life. its sad that i had to learn this way. but i will. many things ill have to change from now on. i hope that you'll be there with me as a friend. i hope you find comfort in your friends, the same kind of comfort that you expected from me but i was unable to deliever. i hope(know) that ill grow up from this. hey, the best thing i can say now is that life is an experience, you only do it once. so what i have done is gone and i cant brood on it. sucks for everyone, no one wins anything from this.

i need alot of help. or maybe i should just live in a nutshell and do this on my own.

i wont go to work tmr, but ill committ from monday onwards. my first step. church on saturday. ill be alone but fuck it, ive had much worse. smokings next. followed by the much bigger task of the simpang buds.

i still wanna be there for you, in ways that i know that i can help. i hope that you'll be alright. other people will take care of that for you i know that they are much better at that than me. i still love you, and it made me really happy that you think that we can still be good, true and real friends. ill work on that too.

tonight.. ill think.. about what i NEED to do and not about what i COULDVE done.

>3 you.