it sucks to be alone. but ill have to "deal with it" right?!

i cant put up this front in front of everyone.. not all the time. sometimes im okay. when im walking home, i start being wierd. when im home im just.. dysfunctional. ah. and metal or playing guitar doesnt help, running doesnt cause ive been smoking so much i can hardly chiong for 2 km without feeling pain. ugh. and obviouslly mentally im not right so i cant psych myself up to run faster.

if the world is all about being selfish and looking out for youself, whats the point of relationships/friendships?! you wont ever be helping the other party, it will never be a mutual thing! maybe im just too "happy" childish whatever. sigh